‘Fifty Shades… Whatever We’re on at This Point’ tops your weekend box office

Finally completing BDSM’s transition into a Bland, Domestic, Straight Marriage, the last chapter of the Fifty Shades trilogy hit theaters over the weekend. Predictably, all our moms saw it.

As reported by Box Office Mojo, Fifty Shades Freed opened in first place with $38.8 million. That’s less than half the original Fifty‘s $85 million opening, yet still enough to push the franchise to over the billion-dollar mark worldwide. (Bondage-focused) love wins.

Sony’s crass take on Peter Rabbit debuted in second with $25 million, with Clint Eastwood’s The 15:17 to Paris taking $12.6 million for third place. That meant, for the first time since its debut last year, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle fell below the number two spot, dipping now to fourth with $9.8 million. The Greatest Showman, meanwhile, continued to be an insane sleeper hit as it quietly nears a $150 million domestic gross; the musical, which has yet to see its week-to-week audience decline as much as 20% since its December 20 opening, took fifth with $6.4 million.

  • In conclusion, take your girlfriend bowling or something. Movies aren’t a thing right now.