That G.I. Joe Snake Eyes spin-off is still happening, and now it has a director

Since Paramount launched its G.I. Joe series back in 2009, the franchise has been cinematic cotton candy: pointless fluff you regret consuming, yet providing the unconscionable calorie content of over $300 million at the worldwide box office per serving. No one with an adult palate should continue to crave this trash, but since it’s being gobbled up by someone or another, Paramount is going to make some more of this thin floss of a film series.

As reported early this year, the studio has hoped to make a G.I. Joe spinoff-cum-reboot built around Snake Eyes, the mute assassin whose strength is that he doesn’t have to read any of the lines people write for these movies. Beauty and the Beast writer Evan Spiliotopoulos has already written a draft of a script, and now Paramount has reportedly hired a director: Robert Schwentke, whose oeuvre includes the eclectic if rarely memorable likes of Flightplan, R.I.P.D., The Time Traveler’s Wife, and the last couple Divergent Series films. May he do well in telling the tale of the silent ninja who looks like Venom had cataracts surgery.

Please help these sad nobodies and: