Here are your 2019 Golden Globes winners

Well, if you thought Bohemian Rhapsody or Green Book were the best films of the last year, you were… oof… apparently correctly. Or at least the Hollywood Foreign Press would have your back on it, in the year they may have finally made themselves less relevant than the Motion Picture Academy. Well done to them—and to Chuck Lorre, for turning another wretchedly trite sitcom (The Kominsky Method) into a success, now by way of low-key lighting that makes it seem slightly less pandering. (But for real, well done to Olivia Colman, Christian Bale, Sandra Oh, and Into the Spider-Verse for killing it on screens and with a few fantastic acceptance speeches.)

Anyway, here are your winners:

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Bohemian Rhapsody

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Green Book

Best Director, Motion Picture

Alfonso Cuarón, Roma

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Glenn Close, The Wife

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Olivia Colman, The Favourite

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in any Motion Picture

Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama

Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Christian Bale, Vice

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in any Motion Picture

Mahershala Ali, Green Book

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture

Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie and Peter Farrelly, Green Book

Best Original Score, Motion Picture

Justin Hurwitz, First Man

Best Original Song, Motion Picture

ShallowA Star Is Born

Best Motion Picture, Animated

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Best Motion Picture, Foreign Language

Roma

Best Television Series, Drama

The Americans, FX

Best Television Series, Musical or Comedy

The Kominsky Method, Netflix

Best Television Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, FX

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series, Drama

Sandra Oh, Killing Eve

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series, Musical or Comedy

Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television

Patricia Arquette, Escape at Dannemora

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Patricia Clarkson, Sharp Objects

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series, Drama

Richard Madden, Bodyguard

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series, Musical or Comedy

Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method

Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television

Darren Criss, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Ben Whishaw, A Very English Scandal

Please help these sad nobodies and: