2017 in TV-VCR’s dumb movie art

John Wick: Chapter 2

Our first review illustration, from me. And only six or so years late in capitalizing on the Sad Keanu meme.


Dr. Gameshow‘s Manolo did this wonderful image that is absolutely more memorable than anything in the movie Collide.



Kevin’s first illustration of many. Also the first and last to involve human intestines.


Goon: Last of the Enforcers

I pretty much just edited some screenshots from the 1988 NES game Ice Hockey into a bloody mess. So there you go.


Fate of the Furious

Get it? Vin Diesel was sort of programmed in this one, and F8 is both a computer name and the colloquial title of the film, which featured a lot of keyboard clattering. This was the last time I physically inked and scanned something, because now I live in the future.


Power Rangers

Power Rangers had a ragtag group of kids becoming friends in detention, so Kevin did this spot-on take on this shot from The Breakfast Club. He makes a compelling case for the physical medium I gave up on.


Free Fire

I guess I was trying to make this as retro as the film, but it was sort of a rush, so it was also just lazy. (This will be a recurring theme.)


Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2

I did this moons-of-planet-Ego motif before I saw the film, but it thankfully worked. This probably ended up being one of the better things I did. Feel free to tweet it at James Gunn or whoever.


Alien: Covenant

It’s a shoddy drawing of Danny McBride beside an adapted Eastbound & Down quote. I did this like an hour before I saw the film, and I’m not very proud of it, but in the interest of completion, here it is. Sorry.



I sculpted this grotesque Cronenberg of a Baywatch portrait from clay, painted it, and photographed it in front of a monitor displaying a beach desktop. I had it sitting on a shelf, not knowing what to do with it, until the awful Zac Efron head fell off and I threw it away.


Wonder Woman

Another from Manolo and one of my favorites of the year. His detail in the crap flying at Wonder Woman’s shield is phenomenal.


The Mummy

My first of two attempts to ape Hanna-Barbera, it’s just a mummy from Scooby-Doo with Tom Cruise’s face drawn over the top.


Rough Night

I rushed this out as well, and it ended up being more Quentin Blake than initially intended, but it sort of plays… hopefully.

The Beguiled

I bought a composition book and ballpoint pen from a dollar store just to photograph this; then I forgot to adjust the sticker whiteness to that book’s values. Whoops.



I was fortunate enough to see Okja early, and Kevin took full advantage in referencing the points of my review in this fantastic illustration. I would wear this on a shirt, had another friend not already bought me an Okja shirt thanks to my love of this film.


Baby Driver

He’s driving an iPod!? Yes, that’s the lamest, best idea I came up with, but it kind of works, right?


Spider-Man: Homecoming

Built entirely upon this painting of Prometheus, it took forever to roughly manufacture this image of Spider-Man, his liver being pecked out by what we could imagine was a vulture. You’re welcome.

War for the Planet of the Apes

Between the scathing commentary on the insistence Andy Serkis should be nominated for mo-cap Oscars and the disturbing parody of this propaganda by way of Kingpin, Kevin absolutely killed this one. And, incidentally, no, a man doing a fine job pretending to be an emotional chimp should not be given an Academy Award.


Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

It’s a parody of the original Lost in Space titles—but also of the sickly-green supervillains played by leads Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne. Well done again, Kevin.


Atomic Blonde

This tribute to photographer Robert Longo tops Kevin’s list of increasingly obscure references. Does he want us to feel stupid or what?


Brigsby Bear

I spent hours trying to have separate portraits in each color of the Brigsby crest. This ended up working instead, and here we are, all the worse for it.


The Dark Tower

Like the film itself, The Dark Tower illustration looks even worse in retrospect. Both were some real P.O.S. rush jobs.


Logan Lucky

Another from me, with edited pixel graphics? I’m afraid so. But if you’ve seen the movie, it plays.


The Tick

This could be a lot more polished, but I also could have begged for it prior to abruptly starting the series, so let’s give Kevin some credit.



About as much work was put into this as was put into the IMAX presentation of Inhumans. Let’s forget about both.


The Layover

A terrible movie given an aptly, reliably gross treatment from the talented Demi. The only shame is that the Baywatch clay already claimed the title of 2017’s Most Grotesque Alexandra Daddario Rendering.

Blade Runner 2049

This was meant to reference a podcast discussion of the film, but after some poor audio left TV-VCR unable to post that, now it’s just a goofy photo edit. It’s relatively funny though, yeah?



The worst movies are sometimes the most enjoyable to review. For Geostorm, that proved true with both writing and art, as seen in this hilariously stupid illustration from Kevin.


Thor: Ragnarok

Manolo and I did this on my iPad in a bar, him doing Thor and me doing Hulk. I drunkenly thought it was funny that Hulk would have open cut-offs as he enlarged; I soberly maintain that.


Lady Bird

Another rush job after a quick review (noticing a pattern?), I really just wish I’d made her left arm longer. Welp.


Justice League

Perhaps despite appearances, this is one of the larger efforts of these. There was a lot of poring over Super Friends references, character models, and Warner Bros. stills to achieve this DCEU/Hanna-Barbera middle-ground. I should have given Batman some stubble, but come on. I tried.


Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

First of three of my unimpressive, weirdly green illustrations.


The Disaster Artist

Number two.


The Shape of Water

And number three!


I, Tonya

Blame me: I’m the one who, as writing the review, insisted Kevin do this as an iPod wink. He thought of the cigarette-as-headphone thing, though, and that’s pretty good.


Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Some people didn’t get the “last Jedi”/”last donut” thing, with the colored lightsabers being the sprinkles. That’s fine. But Kevin did some pretty cool work here.


Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

If you won’t give me credit for the pixel art, at least appreciate that I put more effort into the dated CRT screen than the actual production did.



I legitimately think this fake DVD is the funniest image I’ll ever create. It was a stupidly intense project.


Phantom Thread

My final piece of the year is, like so much of my work, just thrown together after the fact. Remind me to iron my white fabric before the next thread-ghost. And Happy New Year.

Please help these sad nobodies and: