‘Baywatch’ Trailer Dutifully Jogs Out

Five years ago, a Baywatch movie would have seemed like a hopeless endeavor. And, given that the Baywatch movie has been in development since at least 2011, it did feel like a hopeless endeavor five years ago.

Then 21 Jump Street showed up. Suddenly it was possible to turn a ridiculous late—’80s television drama into a shockingly funny comedy.

So, is Baywatch its successor to that feat? Judging by this first trailer, fuck no.

This thing looks desperate, mirthless, and lazy. The showcased jokes feel like either placeholders or bad improv. Whatever writing was done is nowhere near at tight as the bods.

That said, those bods are quite tight. Dwayne Johnson, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Priyanka Chopra, and Ilfenesh Hadera star alongside what looks like some leftover footage from Neighbors 2, Dirty Grandpa, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, or whatever else that saw Zac Efron partying. Their body fat percentage is 2.8%. Their dire adaptation arrives in May.

Please help these sad nobodies and: