We unfortunately live in a world with a finite amount of quickly dwindling Cumberbatch. At our current rate of Cumberbatching, we likely have only about thirty, forty, maybe fifty years of Cumberbatch left. And after that… well, I don’t have to tell you what kind of shitty world we’ll be left with. Global warming can fucking have it.
But what if there were, somehow, more Cumberbatch? What if, with proper Cumberrationing, we could stretch our precious Cumbersupplies for decades—even centuries!—longer? Cumberbatches for our Cumberchildren, for our grandCumberchildren, and Benebeyond.
Well, that’s just the glorious, fantastical world we’ll soon see in the StudioCanal production How To Stop Time. Based on a yet-to-be-published Matt Haig, the film will reportedly see Benedict Cumberbatch in the role of Tom Hazard, “a man who may look like an ordinary 41-year-old but, owing to an extremely rare condition, has been alive for centuries.” Also, he won’t actually look like an ordinary 41-year-old. He will look like whatever Benedict Cumberbatch is.