Look, there is no denying that this trailer for Clifford the Big Red Dog features a big red dog. But this ain’t Clifford.
Clifford is candy-apple red and minimum two-stories tall, at times bordering on kaiju status, and lives a pleasant mix of pastoral and suburban life, giving him the freedom to run around in his monstrous frame before his heart inevitably fails him at a young age. This Clifford’s heart is instead oversized with… LOVE: A girl’s affection (and her golden teardrop???) here powers the beast’s abominable pituitary gland. And her love for him is honestly pretty underwhelming. He is not all that huge. It says a lot that movie Clifford can comfortably move in, out of, and around a New York City apartment. Because, oh, he also inexplicably lives in New York City now.
There’s literally a documentary about how awful it is to keep horses in the city, yet here we’ve got this Clydesdale of a hound galloping across the Manhattan bridge. This is like Clifford torture porn. If you buy a ticket, his blood-red fur is on your hands.
Make the right decision when the latest from the director of Wild Hogs, Old Dogs, and Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip hits theaters September 17.