Constantine sequel to be WB’s latest arbitrary comic book movie

As if there wasn’t enough evidence that Warner Bros. is flailing around with their DC Comics movies, here’s the latest thing they’ve smacked into: a sequel to 2005’s Constantine!

Like, the original has its modest, cult-bonafide charms, but what is the idea here? Keanu Reeves is older than Robert Downey Jr., and Dwayne Johnson—star of the studio’s one-month-out Black Adam—is 50. How close of an expiration date are these people trying to set with these fuckers? Just make some dumb superhero movies with people who aren’t about to be grandparents, and actually release them instead of using them as tax havens. It’s really not that difficult.

ANYWAY, if it wasn’t already evident, this will be terrible.

Reports say star Keanu Reeves is set to return, but he’ll again be saddled with original director Francis Lawrence—who has since made such dogshit as several forgettable Jennifer Lawrence movies and the detestable-looking Slumberland. The original writers, however, are not involved, replaced by the remarkably unremarkable Akiva Goldsman—a man whose prior DC work includes Batman Forever and Batman & Robin. He will also produce alongside the likewise blandly repulsive J.J. Abrams.

With the sequel taking place between Earth and Hell, congratulations to the creators for already realizing the boringly wretched reality of Earth that proper Hell will inevitably be.

Please help these sad nobodies and: