Here’s what Tommy Wiseau would have said at the Golden Globes

Sunday night’s Golden Globes carried a message of both furious, deserved criticism and hope for the future, leaving us to wonder whether Hollywood will follow through on its promised push for equality and accountability. But perhaps more than that, it also left us wondering, what the hell was Tommy Wiseau going to say if he’d snagged the microphone? Well, thanks to the L.A. Times, now we know.

To recap, Wiseau took the stage thanks to James Franco’s Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy win for The Disaster Artist. The movie was inspired by Wiseau, so Franco graciously summoned this alabaster golem of Bret “The Hitman” Hart onto the stage to accept the award with him. Wiseau reached for the mic, but Franco (justly) pulled it away, denying us the vaguely Eastern European wisdom of the filmmaker.

Yet, as Wiseau’s The Room taught us, his words will not be held back by logic nor the Hollywood elite. He gave The Times the scoop on what he’d hoped to shout at the Globes and… it’s a fairly familiar sentiment:

His message would have been simply this, “If a lot of people loved each other, the world would be a better place to live.”

Then he added, “See The Room, have fun, and enjoy life. The American Dream is alive, and it’s real.”

That is to say, you need not imagine what Tommy Wiseau would have said given the full if increasingly-drunken attention of the glitterati. He’s already told us all from a pair of pocket-stuffed white cargo pants.

Please help these sad nobodies and: