Episode six: the finale. This is the end of Moon Knight. Until the inevitable second season and contractually-obligated crossover events.
We last saw Marc Spector in the green-screened fields of the afterlife. And, thusly, his body is still dead as hell, floating in the pool where Ethan Hawke plugged him in the chest.
Hawke and his cronies assemble around the body to form a pointless little assembly line of archaeological reclamation. Crony 2 takes the little figurine from Marc; Crony 2 passes it to Crony 1; and Crony 1 passes it to Ethan Hawke. At last, he has his prized souvenir.
He leaves the golden scarab trinket on Marc’s chest. Don’t need that no more! (Tomb Raider soon finds and ogles it, suggesting it may come up again, but don’t worry: it doesn’t.)
At last, Ethan Hawke is able to crush the statuette that entombs his would-be god-master, and we get to see his version of being a Moon Knight-style avatar. And it’s not cool at all. His cane/scepter just sort of turns into more of a crocodile-axe thing. He doesn’t get to be swaddled in gauze or anything. Weak.
So Ethan has succeeded in his mission, and he’s heading back to his AirBnB or whatever when he’s stopped by some Egyptian officers. It seems officials have finally caught on to his not having permits to dig up and loot priceless artifacts and enter world-renowned tombs.
No worries for the Hawke man, though: he simply uses his magic staff to cast Judge Souls, and the souls of all these apparently-corrupt turds leave their bodies. Well, all but for one. Ethan Hawke approaches that guy and is like, “Hey, I guess you’re cool. So why are you a cop?”
Meanwhile, it seems Tomb Raider has snuck into Ethan’s caravan thanks to everyone wearing masks due to either sand or COVID. Hippo God, ever-connected to the dead, starts talking to her via the soulless corpses. She proposes that Lara Croft could be her avatar, but the Tomb Raider refuses. This is the rare setup that actually leads somewhere.
Anyway, Ethan Hawke gets back to the main pyramid, he kills all the other avatars, and he smashes the figurine that contains Ammit. It works, and a reliably shoddy CGI crocodile lady with braids shows up.
Nearby, in the ancient Egyptian pyramid version of Ikea cube storage, Tomb Raider finds F. Birdie Abraham’s equivalent figurine and also smashes that. The bird god emerges, and he too urges her to be his avatar. This lady is the hottest date at Avatar Prom, but she again refuses.
Back in the golden paradise Oscar Isaac has been sloppily cut-and-pasted into, Marc insists on going back for alter-ego Steven, who turned into a sand statue last episode. Hopefully you’ve been reading and/or watching all of these recaps/episodes, because we have no time to catch you up with all this convoluted nonsense at this point. This is the final stretch, and we cannot spend another second explaining the whys and hows of the bird-god-possessed moon-man with multiple personalities who gets shot by Ethan Hawke and ends up on an anthropomorphic hippo’s boat, leaving his British persona frozen in a sea of sand.
While Crocodile God and Bird God fight it out in the pyramid, Marc and Steven talk it out. Marc gushes a whole speech that’s basically a “you complete me” spiel, handing his pallid heart to Steven as he himself turns to a sand statue. But then…
And whatever that is, it, like, merges their souls maybe? Who knows. Whatever it was, now they can leave the desert in flesh and blood.
The now in-control dual-Isaac of Marc and Steven somehow meet back up with Bird God, who promises he’ll soon release them from their avatar status. He also sends them flying toward the pyramid.
Back over there, Tomb Raider has learned that an avatar is required to seal CrocoGod back in her tomb, so she reconsiders the offer to become Hippo’s avatar. True to the god’s promise that she has “a fabulous costume” (anything would have to be better than Ethan Hawke just getting a cane upgrade), Tombie turns into a SilverHawk. She’s plated in gold and has these badass metal wings—which is weird because that is in no way like a hippo god. Wikipedia says Taweret is classically meant to be “a bipedal female hippopotamus with feline attributes, pendulous female human breasts, the limbs and paws of a lion, and the back and tail of a Nile crocodile.” Nothing about wings. If anything, this should be a costume with some real knockers hanging off it, right?
Ethan Hawke has meanwhile ascended to the apex of the pyramid. He’s casting his Judge Souls spell again, but now for some reason it has another convoluted mechanic. While, just 15 minutes ago, it sucked out the potentially-evil souls immediately, now Hawke has this gestapo that goes around searching for the scarlet letters that are unbalanced justice scales tattoos. Only then, once a crony sees it, should their souls be whisked away. Whatever!
Their souls are sent straight to Ammit, who gobbles them up to turn herself into a crocodile kaiju. Not really clear how that works, because a few seconds later, Khonshu shows up and he’s also gets huge without even consuming all those empty soul calories. Whatever!
Finally, we get to the Big Battle this show has been lazily plodding toward. Moon Knight fights Ethan Hawke; Khonshu fights Ammit; SilverHawk also fights Ethan Hawke. And just when it seems that Hawke has won, Moon Knight blacks out, awakening to see that he’s somehow taken out Hawke and all his goons. Might have been cooler to actually see the action-packed climax, but whatever!
So Moon Knight and SilverHawk drag Ethan Hawke into the pyramid and cast some magic spell or something that makes Hawke slurp up Ammit’s croco-soul, merging with Ethan Hawke like only Julie Delpy has before.
F. Birdie Abraham shows up and is like, “Alright, now murder Ethan Hawke, and we can be done with this series.” But Marc refuses. He casts aside his moon-themed shuriken and likewise demands to cast aside the rest of his branding, asking that Khonshu free him from his burden of killing bad guys. The bird complies.
Marc/Steven are immediately transported back to the Ethan G. Hawke Sanitorium. WAS IT ALL A DERANGED FANTASY AFTER ALL? Nah. Dr. Hawke has blood all over his stupid little shoes, and he is freaking out about it. They’re genuine leather!
“Laters, gators,” Steven says, and he awakens back in his London flat. WAS IT ALL A DERANGED FANTASY AFTER ALL?
In a mid-credits scene, we see that Ethan Hawke has himself now been institutionalized. And since he was a bad boy, he doesn’t get to go to the clichéd sterile, white asylum—he has to go to the equally-clichéd dingy, fluorescent-green asylum.
But someone with gloved hands has come to illicitly check him out.
Hawke is wheeled out to a limo and tossed inside. There sits Khonshu, looking like a real smug motherfucker now that he’s replaced his rags with Mr. Knight’s smart-looking suit and dorky tie.
Birdskull is like, “Marc, like so many divorce guys after a few too many at a game night, thought I was after his wife. But guess what: I actually still have control of this other Oscar Isaac personality we haven’t seen yet. Meet Jake Lockley.”
Khonshu knocks on the window to summon Jake. To be clear: No, he does not knock on the glass divider between him and his valet. He just knocks on the door window beside him for whatever reason.
Jake nonetheless lowers the divider, reveals he’s the Spanish-speaking personality of the Isaac crew, and fires a few rounds into Ethan Hawke’s damaged brain. Purged again.
As the limo pulls away, it’s revealed to have a vanity plate that reads “S P K T R.” Like, was “S P C T R” already taken? Did someone forget Marc’s surname is Spector with a “c”?
This fucking show.