Netflix Replacing Star Rating with Thumbs Up/Down System, So Hopefully That’s Reductive Enough for Us Idiots

Telling Netflix what you hate will soon be easier than ever! The company has just announced that they’re abandoning their star ratings for Siskel & Ebert’s conveniently reductive thumbs up-or-down system.

As Netflix explains, the change comes from a place of trying to help you watch the garbage you know isn’t good but you still kinda want to watch. It comes from the place where we hate ourselves enough to subject our terrible brains to trash when we know we deserve better. We deserve better! We know it, but we can’t stand to accept it! Because we must punish the brain for its thoughts! Or, in Netflix’s words, “Users would rate documentaries with 5 stars, and silly movies with just 3 stars, but still watch silly movies more often than those high-rated documentaries.”

So, now we must simply choose a thumb. Like at our strange adult-parties!

Please help these sad nobodies and: