Remember those Star Trek movies? They’re still trying to do another one

Chris Pine’s Enterprise last took flight in Star Trek Beyond, a movie that came out in 2016. Since then, first Quentin Tarantino was lined up to direct a new sequel; then Fargo and Legion creator Noah Hawley was brought in; then Hawley too left the project, leaving Star Trek: Discovery writer Kalinda Vazquez to start again on a screenplay.

But at Paramount’s investors event Tuesday, the studio revealed: never mind all that. They’ve actually had some other people write a new Star Trek script—not that they’re using that one in its current form either.

Now, they claim WandaVision and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia director Matt Shakman is helming the sequel, with Josh Friedman (Snowpiercer) and Cameron Squires (WandaVision) rewriting the aforementioned script of Lindsey Beer and Geneva Robertson-Dworet.

Paramount has already set a date of December 22, 2023 for when Pine, Zachary Quinto, Simon Pegg, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldaña, and John Cho will return to their stations. But there’s a caveat to that plan, too: reportedly, none of the cast actually have deals in place.

They’ve been separated from Star Trek for six years, tried reconciling numerous times, yet still they desperately insist, “No, this time it’s gonna work! Just you wait—we’ll be spending next Christmas together!”

Sure you will, buddy.

Please help these sad nobodies and: