‘Rogue One’ Found the Plans To Destroy That Cloying Will Smith Movie

Going again everything I’ve ever learned at parties, it turns out people are clamoring for a more thorough, lengthy explanation of the Star Wars universe.

Over the weekend, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story easily dominated the box office, as predicted by absolutely everyone. Hauling in $155 million since its Thursday night screenings, it came in just behind Captain America: Civil War and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice for the year’s biggest openings and clunkiest blockbuster titles.

The only wide release to dare try and open against a Starwar was woefully misguided Collateral Beauty. Warner Bros. must have thought there was some sort of opportunity there for schlocky counter-programming that embarrasses its A-list stars. There was not, it turns out, and the drama gave Will Smith his worst opening as a lead ever—$7 million. Now can we stop building films around Smith doing his pouty face?

Please help these sad nobodies and: