The Green Knight could feature green dong

A gaze that can mean only one thing.

Originally slated to hit theaters back in May, David Lowery’s The Green Knight, now half a year overdue, still nags at us with that one burning question: will we get to see the Green Knight’s virescent hog or what?

The epic poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is centuries old tale. Yet here we are, six months past the release date of its latest adaptation, still in the dark about whether this dude will drop trow and let us peep the ol’ glowstick and emeralds. “Here’s what I’m packin’, Sir Gawain. You hacked one head off, but meet his partner.”

But while the film currently has no release date nor nauseatingly glaucous dick pics, there is at last a clue as to whether we may gaze upon the unripe banana in his pants. The MPAA has just revealed that The Green Knight has been given an R rating for “violence, some sexuality and graphic nudity.”

Could that mean co-star Alicia Vikander gets naked, as she has in several films? Sure. Could it also mean we find out whether GK there has the woody woody and mossy pubes we’ve imagined since the second we laid eyes on the guy? Mmm-HM!

Thankfully, A24 rarely lets us down. And would there ever be a greater letdown than not seeing that little green turtle poke out of his shell?

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