Tom Cruise teams with Elon Musk, NASA to shoot movie, die in space

In a surprise teaming of science and Scientology, Tom Cruise has teamed with Elon Musk’s Space X and NASA for a seemingly impossible mission: letting Tom Cruise die in space.

For years, it’s been assumed that Tom Cruise would die in a more pedestrian way. Perhaps by falling off the world’s tallest building, or falling off the outside of the in-flight plane he’s clinging to. But apparently Cruise himself is looking to further push the limits on just how he’ll drop dead. He wants his tiny corpse drifting through the cosmos.

According to Deadline, the actor’s latest absolutely ridiculous stunt is to claim he may shoot an action-adventure movie in actual outer space. Of course, doing so would raise the already outrageous price of a Cruise adventure astronomically (heh), would prove a logistical nightmare, and would seemingly require an Armageddon-style feat of training an actor and crew to do one of the most elite jobs in the world. Being illogical, costly, and unlikely to ever actually happen, it actually makes perfect sense that Cruise brought Elon Musk in on this.

Still, the story claims “this is real, albeit in the early stages,” so maybe they’ll figure out some way to pull this off in some minor way. Like when that Red Bull guy technically jumped from space with a GoPro mounted to him, perhaps Cruise could manage something similar, allowing us to watch him plummet to his death—from space.

Please help these sad nobodies and: