Universal to restore essential service of mediocre Jurassic World sequels

Though we’re in the midst of a pandemic, Universal Pictures has decided they can wait no longer: they must return to the normalcy of dressing men in spandex so that Chris Pratt can pretend they’re dinosaurs. They must unironically restart production on their trilogy about laughing in the face of nature and the scientific community to reopen on an uncontrollable, proven-deadly situation.

The studio today confirmed plans to head back into their London shoot on Jurassic World: Dominion by the second week of July. Universal claims to be going above and beyond to ensure the safety of the cast and crew, spending $5 million on protocols that include seeing everyone on set tested both before and throughout production. Pinewood Studios will also be outfitted with 150 hand sanitizer stations and an additional 60 sinks, which is truly a wealth of sinks.

Still, given that Dominion sees national treasures Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum returning to the franchise, they’re really gonna test 2020 like this?

Please help these sad nobodies and: