Clifford is literally just a big red dog in his first teaser

You can put a plate of lasagna next to an orange tabby and it doesn’t make him Garfield.

Relatedly, here’s our first look at Paramount’s Clifford the Big Red Dog, their movie about a big red dog that is in no way Clifford.

It’s like someone told the artist, “So we need you to design Clifford,” and they were like, “Great, who the hell is Clifford?”

“He’s a big red dog.”

“Well, alright then. Stop talking. I’ll just work from those three words with no other reference whatsoever.”

There is no way on Earth this Clifford possesses the manual dexterity to put on a tailcoat, tie a full Windsor, and tip his top hat. This Clifford is just a goddamn red dog. He doesn’t even look like the right breed of dog.

It’s like, could he at least be the correct red? No one is going to be like, “Sure, a bright red big dog works as drawn on the page, but on the screen, a big red dog must be a muted shade or it’s just ridiculous.” This is Zack Snyder’s Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Anyway, this big red dog that just happens to be named Clifford hits theaters next year.

Please help these sad nobodies and: