Timothée Chalamet will provide us the origin of Willy Wonka

Following up the still-unreleased Dune, Timothée Chalamet is ready for another mid-’60s novel adaptation people are going to get way too fanatical about—one way or another. The actor is reportedly set to star in Wonka, Warner Bros.’ Chocolate Factory prequel about sweets baron Willy Wonka.

There’s every reason to take a massive shit on this for being creatively bankrupt and a new death for satire in what new, depraved origin stories studios can crank out, but there’s also reason to think it could work out: it’s coming from Paul King, the writer-director behind the charming Paddington films and Bunny and the Bull. We have to hold strong and act like this is not soul-crushingly cynical. At least until the teaser sees Chalamet gazing through a shop window at a purple velvet suit, after which everyone can fuck right off.

Please help these sad nobodies and: