The Rock defends Chicago from a giant video game adaptation in the first ‘Rampage’ trailer

Following Journey 2: The Mysterious Island and San Andreas, Rampage is the closer in director Brad Peyton’s inexplicable thematic trilogy of stuffing The Rock into a helicopter to have him fight off giant beasts and/or city-wide destruction. It’s also the latest video game adaptation to continue the genre’s ongoing streak of not looking particularly good.

Dwayne Johnson stars as Davis Okoye, a man who’s Jane Goodall and Dian Fossey in both expertise and combined mass. He spends his days poring over gorillas, devoting most of his attention to George, an albino ape he himself rescued. One day, a vague canister of green gas sprays George in the face, and it ends up being a different green ape gas than the one in Planet of the Apes. Instead of developing his brain, it just makes him grow. As anyone who’s dumped quarters into a Rampage cabinet could guess, it turns out a wolf and a lizard have been spritzed as well.

Rampage‘s fans are also sure to notice that this re-telling of the game’s incredibly straightforward plot completely discards one of its main pleasures: the distant, furtive glimpses of shamefaced nudity. While the video game did focus on a trio of giant, bipedal animals wreaking havoc on cities, those freaks were always transformed from human specimens; the result was that the ape, lizard, and wolf could be reverted to sad humans doing anything to conceal their naked bodies from nearby office workers and military personnel.

Rampage Naked Shame GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

It seems we’ll have to wait for the inevitable reboot before we get the hard-R version, where the shriveling form of a wolf-man gives way to a hangdog man near tears as he desperately covers his own shriveling form. As for this less woefully erotic version, you can see it in theaters April 20.

  • David Shire

    Presumably it still captures the most important part of the video game – losing your last bit of health by being sprayed in the face by a broken shower.

    • adam3w

      I forgot about that! Hopefully there will be a scene where one of the monsters punches a hole in a building, exposes someone in a bathtub, and then eats the bather.

  • HalSolo

    The “Jane Goodall and Dian Fossey in both expertise and combined mass” line is so good.

  • jaime_arg

    Damn, I loved this game back in the day! I was bad at it but still.

    • HalSolo

      Don’t beat yourself up, this game was DESIGNED to devour quarters like so many urban residents in condos! There’s a cabinet at a local barcade and I got $20 in quarters just so three of us could finally “BEAT THAT FUCKING GAME.” We still didn’t make it across north ‘Merica.

  • scott19

    Dude! Did you see that Ape just RAMPAGE!!!!!!111!!!!!

    Also, the Rock’s character is clearly a bad guy in this movie. He’ll allow George to knock down buildings and eat people, because the alternative is the military “hurting him” in order to stop the death and destruction? Fuck this guy, I hope he goes to jail at the end as the happy ending. Love of Ape is never an excuse for abetting murder.