The Book of Boba Fett’s sophomore outing opens with the ninja assassin captured in last week’s episode being hauled into Jabba’s not-quite-palace for questioning. Boba and Fennec demand to know who hired him, but ninja-guy is resolute. He fears no man, he claims.
Turns out he has a different fear, though: he hates the idea of being gobbled up by a rancor.
Threatened with such a fate—one that, to be honest, seems a lot better than innumerable tortures a man could inflict up on him—he dishes straightaway on who sent him and his cronies. It was: The Mayor!
So it’s off to the Mayor’s office for Boba, Fennec, their guys in hog masks, and their prisoner. The receptionist at the Mayor’s office is a weird distraction, because he looks like Pedro Pascal as a weird scumbag hipster. Is this The Mandalorian’s loser brother?
It doesn’t come up. Boba Fett and Fennec just charge past both Not-Pascal (Galen Howard) and David Pasquesi’s Twi’lek majordomo and in to see the mayor.
The Mayor ends up being one of those alien dolts with a head that looks like a hammer-headed snail popping out of its shell. (Ithorian, for anyone who keeps track.) He’s like, “Hey, great that you brought that assassin in here, and in doing so you completed a quest you had not yet received. Nonetheless, here is your reward of a pouch of gold.”
“Also, I didn’t even send the assassins after you. To find the real culprit, follow the new quest marker I just created.”
Back to The Sanctuary!
Arriving, Boba is quick to confront the lady from Flashdance about why the mayor wanted him to return to her horny tavern. She reveals that “the twins” have returned—-and she isn’t crudely talking about her boobs. She says the pair have come to retake their cousin Jabba’s throne. But why didn’t they take it back in the several years that useless Twi’lek guy was sitting on it…?
No time to think about that: beating drums approach; there’s the record screech of Max Rebo halting his jizzing; and Flashdance nods toward the door.
Boba and crew head outside and we see the Hutt siblings approach on one of those litters that were so ballyhooed in episode one. Sister the Hutt and Brother the Hutt are, of course, like Jabba, enormous slugs. That it only takes about 16 dudes with human physiques to carry them on their litter seems like… not enough? At least get some more burly pig-men out there.
The twins also brought along a Wookiee that looks like he’s in Masters of the Universe Stinkor cosplay. This guy is apparently some sort of fan favorite in the extended universe of Star Wars comics or something, but here he just sort of comes across as Worf as a skunk, if that makes sense.
“Forfeit your crime lordship,” Hutt 1 and Hutt 2 demand, and Boba is like, “Fuck off.”
“Fair enough… for now.”
And they indeed fuck off.
Boba returns home for his nightly bath, and, as presumed from the last time Boba soaked, this leads us into our next flashback dream sequence.
Conveniently picking up where his last memory left off, Boba recalls training in gaffi stick combat with the Tusken whose whole Predator vibe indicates he’s the warrior.
There are some real The Irishman vibes in this sequence. Boba very clearly moves like the 60-year-old man Temeura Morrison is. It would be fine had the setup not been, “Nooo, this guy is still in his prime—just looks a little rough because of sarlacc goop or whatever.”
Anyway, choo-choo, motherfuckers: Sand train comin’ through!
All the Tuskens start freaking out as this big, hovering train cruises past. We see why when some of the train’s passengers start blasting indiscriminately at the Tusken camp. Admittedly, being known as “raiders” does kind of set you up for being shot at by a cargo vessel, but it’s still not cool.
That night, the Tuskens burn their blasted dead. Boba, wandering away from the funeral pyre—probably the smell—notices some speeders zipping off in the distance. He’s got an idea for getting rid of the train issue.
With the Tusken chief extending Boba’s curfew, the former bounty hunter sets off toward wherever the speeders were headed. The trek ultimately continues the Star Wars franchise’s endless Tatooine bar crawl.
The speeder idiots (they’re seemingly Nikto, if that means anything to you) obviously arrive at the bar first and quickly set about proving they are some real shitheels.
One of them goes up to a human couple, grabs a handful of their table’s TERRA® Heritage Blend vegetable chips, and washes it down with the dude’s beer. Not wanting to look like a chump, the guy calls the Nikto out, and that ends up being a mistake. This Nikto jerk starts beating the crap out of him.
Lucky for this random white guy, Boba Fett is a quick walker. He gets in there and makes short work of the makeshift biker gang—causing untold property damage in the process.
Boba heads to the bar—now covered with bits of broken glass from the pane he just sent a Nikto through—and takes a swig from the first cup he sees. Boba Fett 100% just drank broken glass.
The point of this whole mission was, of course, not to ruin a barman’s livelihood and save some dweeb and his date. He’s there for the speeders.
Early the next day, Boba arrives back at camp atop a speeder—two more in tow.
To jump ahead a bit, the main theme of this episode is clearly a Dances with Wolves sort of anti-colonization parable. The native Tuskens have until now been treated like hooting savages, but we, alongside Boba, have come to learn that they have feelings, talents, and an entire worthwhile culture—however primitive it may seem to the outsider.
That comes later though.
Here we get the donkey-voiced tribe acting utterly donkey-brained as they rush to destroy the speeders asap. It’s like if a foreign cavalry kept killing your horseless people, and the moment you got your own steeds, you started butchering them for the meat. The Tuskens are seriously not thinking this through.
Boba stops them, and then it’s back to retreading The Mandalorian’s arid ground.
The Book of Boba Fett’s opener gave us the familiar “kill monster in hole” scenario we saw Mando do a half-dozen times, and now we get his other (sometimes overlapping) go-to: prepare and assist an innocent people in defeating a more advanced foe.
So Boba teaches the Tuskens to drive the speeders. He trains them to leap from one speeder to another, which may not even come up later? And he apparently trains them to be crack shots, because they sure are able to hit small, distant, moving targets like nothing when it comes to their big mission: stopping that bullshit train.
The plan is basically just to speed alongside the train, shoot into it, pull bad guys out the windows, and make their way to the conductor. It’s pretty bog-standard train action-adventure stuff, done by countless Westerns, George Lucas himself, and others, but it’s a classic for a reason. It works.
The plan also works.
The train is stopped, its crew is wrangled up, and, despite how far this train must have traveled during the entire sequence, the rest of the Tusken tribe are right there to run up and celebrate.
Boba asks who’s in charge of the crew, and the leader comes forward. The boss removes his helmet, and he’s some sort of fish-headed idiot. Not even going to look it up.
“I was doing sort of a Dune thing,” the fish-head explains, “You know, taking spice from these desert guys who didn’t seem to have it together.”
Boba is like, “Look, we will spare your lives, and even let you restart this operation, but you have to cut the Tuskens in on the deal.”
The fish-men agree, and they’re sent packing to the nearest outpost.
The Tusken chief nods, pleased, as if he had any idea what anyone was saying there.
Later, back at the Tusken camp, the chief has a special little gift for Boba: a sort of little gecko thing! Does he think Boba is ten?
No, it turns out the lizard is here to further strain this indigenous analogue by entering Boba’s brain and sending him on a vision quest.
Through nightmarish visions of his Sarlacc journey and prequel footage, Boba sleepwalks into the desert and into branches of an ancient tree.
The next morning, he returns to camp. Like a dog, he brings back a stick.
But it’s not just any stick. This is the stick he will use to craft his own gaffi stick. His other gaffi stick was just a loaner “house” stick. He used to go to the bar and just grab one off the wall, but now he’s one of those weird guys who brings his own cue.
While Boba Fett was once almost entirely defined by his cool outfit, he has notably been in his jammies this entire time, looking like he was doing a stage production of Planet of the Apes. The Tuskens are about to fix that.
With much ceremony, some tribe members take Boba into a tent and deliberately wrap Boba in their own culture’s cloth and robes. The robe has a hood, too, so we can stop worrying about why Boba’s head isn’t getting sunburnt.
Finally, the episode ends like all good entertainment: with a dance sequence.