It takes all of ten seconds for the trailer for Marry Me to get to the familiar rotating stock footage of New York City that announces, “This is one of these assembly-line rom-coms that will not be notably bad nor at all good but just sort of exist as the one with these two as the couple.” Its thesis: what if we drained all the charm out of a Notting Hill-type thing?
Jennifer Lopez stars as… basically J.Lo. She’s a big-ticket pop star, and she’s supposed to marry her Marc Anthony stand-in (Colombian singer Maluma) live and on-stage—until he gets caught cheating on her at the last minute. The solution? She’ll instead just marry the first Golden Retriever-haired 50-something man she sees in the audience. Yes, it’s Owen Wilson, who has unwisely dropped his mustachioed silver fox look from Loki and is back to being this sad old surfer. Wilson plays a divorced dad schoolteacher who somehow has this huge exposed-brick apartment. Lopez’s impulsive decision leaves he wanting to keep the marriage up for a few months for appearances, and you’re not going to believe this, but the unlikely pair may indeed find love.
We’ll find out whether Marry Me can best Channing Tatum’s Dog as worst reductively-titled movie of February when it hits screens for Valentine’s Day.